Parting Words
by Loki Mischeif-Maker
Summary: As Sirius prepars to leave home for good, Regulus is torn between the urge to beg him to stay and the knowledge that in one sense Sirius left the moment he was sorted into Gryffindor.


**Disclaimer:** JK Rowling owns the Black brothers. I only occasionally wish I did.

"Aren't you packing a bit early?"

Sirius looked up from the trunk at the foot of his bed. He'd been trying to shove all his schoolbooks in it, but since he hadn't bothered to try to do it in any order whatsoever, he hadn't been succeeding. "What are you doing here, Reggie?" he asked.

I shrugged and stepped inside his room. "I came to tell you Dad's calmed down. I managed to convince him it was just another of your stupid pranks, so when Kreacher finally crawled out of the rafters. . . ." I shrugged. "At least Mum'll never know. She'd have a heart attack."

"Frankly, I don't care if she finds out or not," said Sirius savagely. "Not anymore, at least."

"You ever did?" I asked softly.

"Don't be stupid, Regulus. I haven't been kicked out of the house, have I?" he demanded. "Not that I care anymore; I'd just as soon they disown me and get it over with."

"I'd noticed," I muttered icily. Regulus. Sirius _never_ used my fill name unless he was angry. Sometimes it was the only thing that reminded me we were still brothers, no matter what House we were in at school.

Sirius didn't appear to hear, and he tried again to shove his Transfiguration book into his trunk. He succeeded in making it fit, but in doing so _Advanced Potion-Making_ and _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ were both dislodged and tumbled to the floor. Sirius looked down at them and swore.

There was something about my brother's usual disorganized frustration that shook the frost from my mood. I smiled. "Here."

I picked up the two books and rearranged the ones in the trunk so that everything fit. "It would help if you folded your robes, too," I remarked. "Then perhaps everything would fit and you wouldn't be coming up to the Slytherin table the second week of school to ask me to write Mum about sending you some book or other."

Sirius shook his head. "But that takes _work_," he complained playfully.

Anna, the grey tabby who followed me everywhere, hopped onto the bed as he spoke. I expected Sirius, who had never been a cat person, to glare at her for a moment and then order me to get my cat off his bed before she began to shed on it. So I was shocked when he just reached over and patted her absently.

"Er . . . Sirius?" I asked softly, now a bit worried. "Why're you packing over a month early?"

Sirius just stared at me a moment. Then he shook his head. "Early?" He chuckled hollowly. "Nah, I should've done this years ago. Mind lending me your superior organizations skills and helping me get the cauldron in here?"

"Put your shirts in it," I told him absently. "What do you mean you should've done this years ago?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'm leaving." He started to tug his shirts out of the trunk and pile them in his cauldron like I'd suggested.

"_What_?" I demanded. "Why?"

"You know why," Sirius snapped. "I'm sick of it. I can't so much as say 'good morning' to my own mother without causing a row and Dad's not much better. God forbid Bellatrix make an appearance or it'll be even worse. . . . And this is supposed to be my family? Clearly I don't need enemies."

"Well, all right, Bella's a nightmare and Mum can be a handful—" I started.

"And as usual you're defending them. Regulus Black, the conformist, who wouldn't dare go against the family even when he knows they're wrong. Phineas is right. You should've been a Hufflepuff."

Usually Sirius told me I should've been a Ravenclaw, because he went looking for me in the library whenever he needed a sensible if temporary solution to his constant trouble with the rest of the family. Usually he meant it as a sort of back-handed compliment, to say there was hope for me yet.

Now he meant no such thing; it was only the first insult he thought of.

I felt numb, partially with frustration— Sirius knew damn well that I defended him, too, even when no one in the family— not even him— wanted me to. I just wanted our family to act like one, even when Mum and Sirius seemed determined to rip it apart.

But it also scared me a little to think about my big brother leaving.

"Where are you going, then?" I asked softly.

"A friend's," Sirius answered vaguely. "I thought I'd take the Knight Bus, since it'll keep me out of real trouble."

"Does your friend know?" I sat down on Sirius's bed and picked Anna up. We both knew he was headed to James Potter's, but neither of us wanted to say it aloud. I was afraid saying it would make it final. Sirius probably didn't want anyone to overhear.

"Not yet."

I watched Sirius try to shove a bag of junk into a recess of his trunk that was far too small for it— I wasn't going to tell him how to make it fit anymore. "Mmmm. . . ." I said indecisively.

Sirius looked up from his trunk, an odd expression across his face. "You're not trying to convince me to _stay_ are you, Reggie?" he asked.

I reached up to fiddle with my glasses. "Why would I do that?" I asked, hoping I sounded puzzled.

"No, seriously. Are you?"

"Look, you're sixteen, that's almost of age, isn't it? I guess you ought to know what you're doing. Certainly it's old enough not to listen to your little brother."

Sirius reached out and grabbed my wrist. "You're playing with your glasses again. For a Slytherin, you sure have an obvious sign that you're lying. Why don't you want me to go?"

"Because you're my brother!" I pulled out of his grip and hugged Anna more tightly against my chest. "We're supposed to be family. Why isn't that enough?"

"Because we have to share our last name with the likes of Mum and Bellatrix," Sirius snapped. He sighed and returned to over-stuffing his trunk. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right. You're. . . ." I bit my lip. Actually, had he not been packing his trunk he would have been acting perfectly normal. "You're finally doing what you've been threatening to for years," I finished lamely.

"That I am." Sirius finally managed to get the bag into the trunk and shut the lid with a snap. "If I forget anything you know I'll need, will you. . . ?"

"Of course I'll pick it up and give it back to you at school," I mumbled. I wanted to tell him I'd do no such thing, that he'd have to come home to get it back, but that seemed far too petty and childish. It wasn't as if that would convince him to stay, anyway.

"Thanks." He shook his head and started to drag the trunk out of his room. "Reggie? A little help?" he panted after a moment. "For obvious reasons I'd like to get out of here before Mum comes back and pitches one of her almighty fits, so. . . ."

Reluctantly— very reluctantly— I set Anna down and helped Sirius get his trunk down the stairs. It was _heavy_ and my arms were like jelly by the time we got to the front hall, Anna following us with interest.

"Thanks," Sirius said again.

He started to turn to the door as I stood there awkwardly, biting my lip. It was clearly final, that he was going. That either he or Mum— maybe both— had finally succeeded in tearing apart the family. That everything I'd been afraid of since Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor was actually coming to pass.

I told myself firmly that I was too old for tears. Especially with Sirius gone, I was going to have to learn not to be scared anymore, anyway.

But . . . he was still my _brother_. . . .

"Reggie, what?" Sirius sighed and returned the hug, even though I had to be putting a strain on his ribcage, as though if I held on hard enough and long enough he might change his mind.

Finally, he pried me loose, and now he was biting his lip, too. "Look, Reggie. . . ." He hesitated. "D'you need me that bad?"

He needed to even ask? When he knew damn well that I was just as scared as he was and even more lost with the wizarding world arming itself for war? When he knew that I couldn't confide those fears in anyone else, since Mum or Cissy would just laugh and assure me everything would be fine, Bella would scoff at any sign of fear, Dad wouldn't be any help, and Meda was already gone?

_Steady yourself, Regulus,_ I told myself firmly. _Just because you've never turned to anyone else when your scared doesn't mean you can't._ "I'll learn to get on," I told him. "You'd just be miserable if you stayed behind, all because I'm scared of everything."

"Reggie—"

"I mean it, Sirius. Go."

Sirius shook his head and reached for the doorknob. Then he hesitated. "You know what I said earlier, about you belonging in Hufflepuff?" he asked. "That was out of line. You're just to stubborn to see that what you're trying to hold together is already broke. As much as I hate to admit it, that's almost Gryffindor."

Tears started welling up again, and this time it took more effort to force them back down. Anyone else in the family would have been tremendously offended, but I knew Sirius was just trying to apologize and doing a very poor job of it. "I'm gonna miss you."

"Don't. I'll see you 'round school." Sirius opened the door and pushed his trunk out ahead of him. "You know, Reggie, you're all right. For a Slytherin."

I managed a shaky smile. I knew he was waiting for me to say the same thing about him and Gryffindor, but I couldn't find the words, familiar as they may have been. "I'll miss you," I repeated.

"Send me an owl, then. Whenever you need me. Come to think of it I might miss you, too." He shook his head and stepped outside. "Thanks. I'll see you September First?"

I nodded and he started down the street. I wanted to call out he was right, I really did need him that bad, but I held my tongue. He was long gone, and besides, he'd just made it clear that wherever he was living, he was still my brother.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yeah, had to end that one on a bit of a hopeful note, since Sirius has two years of school left and Regulus three, so they've got time for this piece of the Black family to fall to pieces.After all, all we've heard about Regulus is from the big brother who remembers most clearly the man's biggest mistake. Cheers! --- Loki 


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